Yabba Dabba Who?!?
So Flintstones Multivitamins are still on the market and, according to their website, available in four varieties.
First Digression: Flintstones Gummies: To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, “All pills are chewable; it’s just that most taste like shit.” Why teach children that medicine’s easy –no, almost awesome – to swallow? Will Viagra 3.0 be chewable? Valtrex Extra Strength?
Second Digression: Flintstones Plus: “My child’s urine isn’t quite opaque enough. Isn’t there some product that will allow me to spend more? This will balance out all those Happy Meals, right?”
Main Bitch: Why are these still on the market at all? Does their target demographic even recognize the shapes they’re ingesting? Where’s Patrick and fucking Squidward? (Aside: My family was too poor/smart for Flintstones vitamins. Did anybody ask mom for a Dino instead of a Bam-Bam?)
“Hey Mom! Aren’t these the jerks who sell the colorful Rice Krispies and aren’t funny at all? Gimme three!”
Sidenote: My buddy at work says his wife makes her Rice Krispies treats with Fruity Pebbles. That’s a great idea. Maybe I should broker the deal between Post and Kellogg’s. Thanks, Buddy-At-Work’s Wife.
First Digression: Flintstones Gummies: To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, “All pills are chewable; it’s just that most taste like shit.” Why teach children that medicine’s easy –no, almost awesome – to swallow? Will Viagra 3.0 be chewable? Valtrex Extra Strength?
Second Digression: Flintstones Plus: “My child’s urine isn’t quite opaque enough. Isn’t there some product that will allow me to spend more? This will balance out all those Happy Meals, right?”
Main Bitch: Why are these still on the market at all? Does their target demographic even recognize the shapes they’re ingesting? Where’s Patrick and fucking Squidward? (Aside: My family was too poor/smart for Flintstones vitamins. Did anybody ask mom for a Dino instead of a Bam-Bam?)
When I was young, a kid could catch reruns of The Flintstones in syndication even over the air. They sucked hard but they were cartoons. (I watched Scooby Doo for the same reason.) In today’s 2000-channel reality, a kid would have to search awfully hard to watch a bad rip-off of The Honeymooners (which also sucks. And before you start to argue, allow me to rejoin you with the fact that I watch plenty of B&W that doesn’t suck. And is still funny today.).
“Hey Mom! Aren’t these the jerks who sell the colorful Rice Krispies and aren’t funny at all? Gimme three!”
posted by Dr. Ew
at
6:41 PM
5 Comments:
The worst part about Flintstones vitamins were that they STILL tasted horrible. Centrum Jr.'s were where it was at. Especially the red and purple ones, they were almost like eating candy. More than once i wanted to have more than one and of course my mom was like - uh, you can't have more than one a day.
Also - the good part about rice krispy treats are they are really really good. Who gives a shit about color.
As long as you're brokering a deal between Post and Kellogg's ...
P. and I went to a Cit dinner recently where someone brought this amalgam that began as Fruity Pebbles treats, but also included Cap'n Crunch, M&Ms, Hershey's Kisses, Skittles, mini marshmallows ... and so on. It was an adventure trying to identify this blue bit or that crunchy thing. The guy who brought them makes them on occasion to use up the random bits and pieces of junk food left in his pantry.
I would not at all be surprised if gummy Flintstones made their way into the mix.
So, you know, if you want to broker a deal that also includes Quaker, Mars, and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, I'm right behind you. ... With an axe.
Spoken like a man that hasn't had to ponder how to get his 3 year old to choke down a horse pill. Chewables solve a problem; they'll figure out Viagra when the time is right (not that I would know when that is).
I'm with you on the Honeymooners - very overrated. This may be blasphemy but I'll throw "I Love Lucy" under the same bus. What are some of the B&W shows you like? Topic for another post...
Centrum makes Rugrats (does anyone remember Rugrats?), Dora the Explorer and - yes - Spongebob vitamins. The SBSP chewables have Spongebob(!), Patrick(!) and Sandy(!) on them - no Squiddy, Krabs or nematodes.
Problem is that young'uns only take half a pill, which means they get to chew Spongebob's sponge one day and pants the next. [shudder]
P: The few I ever had access to tasted pretty good. But, then again, my taste buds are generally tuned to more acidic and bitter flavors.
K: That sounds awesome! I mean, sugar's sugar so how bad could that really turn out? What's with the axe bit? Was that the weapon of choice to take on Stay Puft? Do you have an unnatural hatred for Quakers?
J: True. I haven't.
It is blasphemous. I used to naysay for the sole purpose of orneriness. But, in truth, Lucy's fucking awesome. Try watching it with the idea that it's the blueprint for every sitcom since. That might help.
J2: Duly noted. I didn't do thorough research. SBSP, DtE make sense and Rugrats make more sense than Flintstones but still...
Save all the SBSP pants for me. I can't afford (and don't really need) Viagra (but it still sounds like fun.)
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